Talent Show 2000, as documented by Rex Valence:   February 18, 2000 - Talent Show Rehearsals   There were new people in charge of the Talent Show this year, so we signed up. They had very few acts sign up, so everyone was permitted in the show. We did an improv-noise set for rehearsals using a 1983 Atari, a 160 in 1 science kit, and a digital synthesizer. It was somewhat harsh, but they still let us in because they had so few performers for the show.   February 19, 2000 - Talent Show 2000   We spend the majority of our afternoon preparing for the show. By the time everything was ready, we arrived at the venue at 7:30 PM (starting time of the show). Two large posters, reading "The Joysticks Have Talent" with a picture of an Atari computer system, were hung at the entrance of the auditorium. We constructed flyers that said: "Th3 J0y5t1ck5 Batt13 th3 5can F33d R3lay t0 Y0ur 5kull present 'What a Girl Wants (Y2K Apocalypse Mix).'" A schematic was placed under the text, and at the bottom, the flyer read: "An avant-garde interpretation of an in-depth Y2K 'failure' analysis from a female's perspective." These were distributed at the entrance to the auditorium as well. For some unknown reason, we were selected as the headlining act of the show. Richard and I sat in the audience for the majority of the show, getting a laugh out of most of the performances. During this time, many people from the Pittsburgh avant-garde and electronic scenes began to arrive. It was really amusing to see all of them at a high school talent show. Richard and I went backstage for some last minute preparations during the second half of the show. We instructed some of the people back there to move our table of electronics onto the stage when it was our turn to perform. After the second to last act (acoustic guitar duo) completed their set, there was a bit of a delay because Richard and I were not in the backstage area. People began yelling various Joysticks' propaganda slogans, and the anticipation for our performance was building to immense levels.   Side Note: At this point in our career, everyone has seen or heard of the destructive tendencies of The Joysticks. And, just about everyone in our school has heard the story of our dismissal from the last year's show because of pyrotechnics. Everyone was expecting an action packed show filled with explosions and broken computers.   We were permitted to write our own introduction, so the MC came out and read: "And now, for what N'Sync calls the 'sexiest act on the boy band market' performing 'What a Girl Wants, Y2K Apocalypse Mix,' The Joysticks Battle..." A red light began to shine on our table of electronics, and after a few seconds, Richard and I busted in from the back of the auditorium wearing HAZMAT suits. We made our way down the aisles, and the crowd erupted into cheers. Richard entered the stage from the right side, plugged in all of our equipment, and I entered from the left side. Our equipment set-up was simply a television, VCR, amplifier, and two Tascam Porta 03 Ministudio 4-tracks. The television was playing a Merzbow video (live in Germany) for visual effects because it is filled with nonstop strobe lights. We arranged the lighting in the auditorium so we had constant, pulsating, flashing, red lights throughout our entire performance. My 4-track was run threw the PA system and had a loop of the MC saying "the sexiest act," although it just sounded like a high-pitched noise loop. Richard's 4-track was run through his amp, and it played a harsh noise loop. We stood there completely still in the HAZMAT suits, with the two noise loops playing. We continued to stand. This went on for an approximated 10-12 minutes. A great portion of the crowd began to leave, and many people said they began to feel sick after a while. Much of the audience that stayed in the auditorium had hands over their ears throughout the majority of the performance. After 10-12 minutes, someone pulled the electricity on us and closed the curtains. Richard and I walked out in front of the curtains as they were closing them and stood there in silence. The crowd that was still there gave us a great deal of support in cheers and applause. The teachers running the event were extremely angry at us because we basically disoriented the entire crowd. After we finally exited the stage, we went backstage to put our gear away. During this time, it was announced that we won second place! We had some friends on the judging panel, and everyone that lost to us was extremely upset and disgruntled. We were really the only act that participated in an effort not to win. We walked on stage, Richard yelled into the microphone, then said "I want to show you all how to rock," and began playing an electronic guitar into the microphone when the one teacher grabbed the mic away from him, in a very aggressive manner. That was basically the conclusion of the performance. Overall, we alienated just about everyone there who knew us and angered everyone who didn't. As an added bonus, we damaged a bunch of peoples' senses and made a few sick. A fight broke during our set, and although nothing is confirmed, we would like to believe our noise loops played a part in their aggression.     Questions? Comments. OOBS