- April 17, 1999.
- The Chatham REA Coffeehouse Show, as explained by
Agent Dr. Rex M. Valence:
- We, The Joysticks Battle the Scan Feed Relay to Your
Skull, were invited by Ailecia of the Chatham REA
Coffeehouse to play at their scheduled high school
band night." We were informed that we would be playing
with like-minded bands, but we werent sure if the
organizers of the show actually knew what kind of band
The Joysticks are, as we were described as nerd
rock in one particular show listing. Alienation is
always a goal of OOBS, though, so we decided this would
be an excellent show to solely play handheld tape
recorders while we destroyed electronics and machines. We
were also planning to keep our performance under the 10
minute mark, which is always a sign of a good
show. A few days prior to the performance, when we
were told that the other three bands playing were
pop-punk, hard-core, and
rock music, we knew that alienation was a
- Upon arriving at the Chatham venue, which was really
a basement rather than a coffeehouse, we immediately had
the upper hand over the other performers as we mesmerized
them with the massive amounts of unbelievable equipment
that we were hauling out of the back of our two vehicles.
Various equipment included: Nintendos, turntables,
electronic science kits, a robot arm and televisions.
After the first band, La Crema Batida, concluded their
"rock" set, we began the Joysticks' stage setup. Various
audience punks and hard-core kids
stared in confusion at our electronics and costumes. Our
setup took little time: plug in amplifiers, run tape
recorders into amplifiers, put machinery on stage to
destroy. The other bands were instructed to remove their
equipment from the stage area to prevent damage.
Gravity's Revenge's microphones were relocated to an
adjacent room, and I instructed the "punk" onlookers
(you could tell they were punk from their spiky hair and
patches) to provide vocal noises during our
- When setup was complete, we were ready to initiate
the intended Joysticks intro. Intros have become an
infamous part of the Joysticks performance, as we've
introduced ourselves as Aerosmith, jumped out of the
crowd, and played crowd tape recordings through the PA.
This was going to be just as good as the others, for I
had a smooth Bel Biv Devoe "Poison" sample prepared.
Due to technical difficulties, though, we all decided to
just press play simultaneously, leading to an ambiguous
opening. My tape was in the incorrect position and began
playing some MIDI file or recorded NES game,
Richards played electronic noise sounds, and
Joes played our Spice Girls cover, which is
basically the song Wannabe played directly
from the compact disc with us doing noise over
- As we were preparing to begin our performance,
however, a member of the Pittsburgh police force entered
the room and took a seat right up front. The look shared
between myself, Richard, and Joe, at this moment was
absolutely priceless. Illegal fireworks (marked in our
"NOT FIREWORKS" box) covered the stage and concert
area, and we were hoping that these would go unnoticed.
We were even more worried about the performance
alterations that would now have to be made. Thus we
avoided the early pyrotechnics and partook in hard-core
turntable, clock radio, VCR, computer printer, compact
disc, and audio cassette destruction.
- The crowd was in utter shock. At points within our
set, it was simply us throwing around machines while the
Spice Girls Wannabe played in the
background. We concluded our set after approximately 5
minutes. While the crowd was deciding what they thought
of us and pondering the sanity of us all, we decided to
do a small encore which consisted of three numbers. We
kicked off our encore with everyones favorite Salt
N Pepa hit single, Push It. Richard
went over and grabbed one of the aforementioned Gravity's
Revenge microphones in order to provide the vocal
provisions. He ultimately got blood all over the
microphone, for his hand was brutally gashed from prior
circuit board trashing. I, in turn, manned the Yamaha
PSS-177, and operated the beats and keyboard tones.
Richard and I got really into the emotional feeling
behind this number, and by the end of it Richard was
screaming, "Ah! Eeh! Ha! PUSH IT! Fuckin' push it
real good!!!" This was followed by the slamming of GR's
mic right into the floor. The next number was led into by
Richard's questioning, "Did the police leave?" When
various crowd members replied, "Yeah," we "played"
"Light Off A Bottle Rocket." This was followed by the
enchanting Light Off A Tank Firework And Toss It
Into The Middle Of The Crowd. Total time performed
= 7.5 minutes = success! The aftermath of blood,
electronics, and unbelievable reactions, signified this
success to a tee.
- Joe had to exit the show following our performance,
but Richard and I stayed after to have a good time with
Halfcast and Gravitys Revenge. During Halfcast, the
hard-core band of the evening, we took it upon ourselves
to jump onto the empty dance floor in the center of the
room and show off our dancing abilities. Richard and I
both gave the audience intense versions of the
running-man as well as the robot. The crowd was amazed on
how well we could adapt our hip-hop based dance maneuvers
to fit the stylings of a band such as Halfcast. Dr.
Spanglestein, from the O.R.I. Sound Team, made an
appearance during this portion of the show too.
- Following Halfcast Richard and I, then, decided to
mock the pop-punk band, Gravitys
Revenge. Just into the second song, Richard jumped on
stage with a toy PlaySkool guitar and began to do a
dueling guitars with one of the players in the band.
Following this, Richard stood in the middle of the room
with the PlaySkool guitar, and he directly mocked the
band by mimicking the guitars and vocals. Very humorous.
Dr. Spanglestein, Richard, and I caused unfathomable
chaos throughout the rest of the set too, as we used a
whole roll of tape to stick cups, plates, and napkins to
the ceiling, and setup various traps across door
- After Gravity's Revenge concluded their performance,
Richard and I gave our second and third performances of
the evening to honor Dr. Spanglesteins attendance.
We utilized the still activated microphones to play
another handheld tape recorder show, and then ended our
evening with the final performance outdoors entitled,
Light A Roman Candle In The Middle Of A College
Campus With Plenty Of Security Around And Run Away.
Truly, a classic Joysticks performance.
- Questions? Comments. OOBS